I am a sexual woman...but what does that really mean?

I am a woman of 29 going on 30. I am not sure why I have the need to mention that but maybe because the need to talk about this comes with this age.

Sexuality seems to be a touchy subject because the mere utterance of the word sparks instant stereotypes. Usually when you mention the work sexuality people automatically think of sex.

As a woman when I think of the word sexuality I think of expression, art, vibrancy and intuition but yes sex comes into it of course. For me, sexuality is more personal and individual than someone having to make us feel sexual. As a woman I think I always felt as if it was the man’s job to make me feel beautiful and sexy and in my power. I do think this is a normal thing though but I also think it can be rather dis empowering to sit and wait for a man to make you feel those things, or to have to have a man in your life in order for you to feel those things.

I have really begun to notice how important sexuality has become in my life. Perhaps because I am more in touch with myself and self-love has become a theme in my life and maybe because it is actually a natural thing for women whether we acknowledge it or not.

As women our sexuality has not really been celebrated enough and often women operate from a wounded place to get the attention they want from a man and they base their sexuality on the reactions and affirmations of men. The wounded woman is the woman who was never noticed by her father so she unconsciously seeks it out in other men.

But as women and men we can all agree that there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who can own her sexuality and her power.

I have seen it in little girls who want to wear their party dresses to bed at night. Little girls who twirl around in their dresses because it makes them feel pretty and “like a girl”. At that age we are not necessarily going to say it’s a sexual thing but it’s about feeling like a girl, and there is something very special in that. And as adult women we love to feel like a woman and only a woman will understand what this means.

For me sexuality is about celebrating yourself as a woman. Because as women we have unfortunately been tamed. Yes I said tamed. And there has been this stereotype put on us that men are the sexual ones and we are the ones that turn over and say "no honey I have a head ache".

But let us just realise that sexuality for women holds an enormous amount of power. It’s a life force, its beauty, its art, its everything.

But can we own our sexuality and separate it from anything man for now? Because even as women we are able to notice another sexual woman because even if we have not owned it in ourselves, we do want to.  Yes all women want to. All women want to feel like they are powerful in their femininity and in their sexuality.

But I feel I must again mention that I am not talking about in relation to men. I am not talking about flirting or wearing revealing clothes, none of that. I am talking about admiring oneself as a woman. Knowing where your power lies as a woman and that even without a man, we are sexual powerful beings that could rule countries, worlds, universes, galaxies because of the feminine power we own.  And with that sexual, feminine power comes our intuition, our knowing, and our ability to Mother, our ability to transform. Our ability to aid men in their transformations, our ability to heal, and the list goes on.

So now I’m going to get a bit personal but I’m in this now, so I might as well go all in! As a woman it’s important to notice our bodies. Not how does my body look to “him” but how beautiful my body is to me. How and where it curves, how it feels to have beautiful soft spots, how mysterious some of our parts are, and that although we can be vulnerable in this place, there is power.  How beautiful we are to touch, to be felt, to be kissed, but to be admired by ourselves.

I feel that society has naturally taught us that women are vulnerable but not necessarily powerful.

Things are changing, relationships are changing, dynamics between men and women and even women and women are changing and so it’s time to own our power as woman. It’s time to let ourselves feel and express our sexuality in whatever form is right for us. Even if you just believe me that you are powerful that’s enough for now. The feelings will come. But again when I say powerful I don’t mean having power over someone else, or a man, or being more powerful than someone else, I’m talking about inner power.

For a woman that inner power is subtle, but it’s there and it’s noticeable but it’s not flaunted and it’s not for show.

But you don’t have to be a thin, model-type woman to give yourself permission to be sexual. So on the topic of sex, is it ok to love sex and want it, often? And is it ok to want mind blowing, life altering sex? Fuck yes. But first and foremost it goes back to owning your own sexuality and loving yourself, your body purely for the fact that you are a unique woman. Purely for the fact that you are a woman.

Gone are the days of the tamed woman, and gone are the days of sexuality being dependent on any man (or relationship) although let’s not forget that we do need them sometimes for the part they play in celebrating that side of ourselves. But they celebrate it with us, not for us. That’s the difference. And when you can truly celebrate yourself, you open yourself up to be celebrated.

And so sexuality is beauty in itself, it’s a form of love and expression for ourselves and another. It’s a powerful force in our lives, it’s who we are and it’s truly a gift when expressed in the right way. Because let me just say that sexuality used for manipulation or control is not sexuality.

There is a wild woman in all of us. Some of us let her out but others keep her locked up for fear of judgement. And some of us have just completely forgotten she is there or pretend she doesn't exist. But this woman is free, beautiful, and expressive, artistic in any form, loving, but powerful, very powerful and all women know what this place feels like even if it was only for a few seconds.

So let me say that I am a sexual woman, and yes I love the act of sex but I also have truly began to understand the meaning of true sexuality, of expression and the gift in this.

 

From one Wild Woman to another, I celebrate me and I celebrate you.