Becoming the Lone Wolf

I haven’t written in a while mostly because I was approached by an old friend who has been following my blog and seemed to believe in my writing so much that he is putting a website together for me. Excited is an understatement and as usual it’s always a shock when someone comments positively about my writing, albeit, a pleasant shock. So I wanted to wait to post all my new stuff onto my website but I have been having writing withdrawals. It seems that writing is not a part of me, it has become me and without it, well I can no longer imagine it.

I still laugh because I remember when my Mother bought me my first journal, I wrote often, but with much resistance, and most of my entries began with “I f.ing hate writing but for some reason I do it anyway”. Oh yes, I had the dramatic teenager thing down to a tee. But I once saw a quote that said the hardest part of writing is the actual writing; this could not be truer. It’s a mixture of difficult and exhilarating at the same time, for me anyway.

I must say though another part of why I haven’t written also has to do with the fact that I have become a bit of a loner. No I don’t mean a hermit, or a recluse, I mean I have become someone quite independent and enjoy being in my own company. I used to hate being alone in every sense of the word. I was out every weekend with friends, and the thought of being alone for an hour used to send me into some sort of anxiety. But it’s amazing how much you learn about yourself when you can actually just be with yourself, without any resistance. I have found a new found love for nature and this is where I recharge my batteries as much as I can. Trees seem to be a better source of comfort for me than people lately.

I came across an article recently that spoke to me on a deep level. It spoke about the Archetype/symbol of the Lone Wolf.

So that is what I would call myself lately, the Lone Wolf. The article describes how although wolves normally live, travel, and hunt in packs, occasionally a young wolf will choose to leave the pack and set out on its own.  The Lone Wolf is an archetype, a metaphor, a symbol for freedom, independence and self-reliance. The term Lone Wolf describes a person who is an individual in the truest sense of the word. The Lone Wolf is someone who prefers to work alone, is Self-Reliant and enjoys the peace and contentment of his, or her, own solitude. The Lone Wolf lives by his, or her, own rules: rules which are in harmony with universal laws and its own personal Divine Nature. I am sure there are many people who can relate to this.

So this pretty much explains where I am at. I feel like I have distanced myself from expectations, demands, of society and people and I get very turned off by people who believe that things should be a certain way. We don’t even realise how some of the people we choose to spend our time with have these unfulfilled dreams and expectations of themselves and without realising it we have taken their expectations upon ourselves, only to find ourselves in a position where we feel anxious because we haven’t reached certain goals or we think we are not where we should be in our lives.

So, I would describe it like I have become un-tethered to the pack.

In the last few months, so many things, ideas, thoughts began to NOT resonate with me and I often felt guilty because suddenly my thought process and the way I viewed life was completely different to so many people. And often that old feeling of "maybe I should rather not say certain things and do the right things in order to feel like I fit in better" would be better, but who would it be better for? Certainly not me.  

So I took a writing break to talk myself through this process and find my way in this new way of being and most importantly not judging it. Let’s just say that if you ever have a strange, bizarre idea about the universe, and life, I would be the first to listen because let me say that society’s way of thinking can be very narrow minded, and its one way only and that can be suffocating to many people who just don’t fit into that box or way of thinking.

So here is to the beginning of a new chapter, a different, awakened Talya, and some new ideas and writings about life that I have in stall.

And the truth is, alone= all one.