Its ok to feel fear and doubt for the upcoming year

So 2013 has begun even though 2012 only ended a few days ago and somehow we have to find the balance between one year ending and another beginning.

For some reason, the beginning of this year has felt particularly difficult, not because the holidays are over but because there there seems to be a feeling of fear and insecurity in the air.

Since the year began I have found myself doubting if I can achieve what I would like to and be as successful as I want to be in everything that I have set out to do. I wonder if I will be able to live up to the expectations I have set for myself and if I should be actually setting these expectations at all.

There is a certain amount of pressure we put on ourselves when we say it’s going to be a good year because we then have to somehow find a way to make it so and if it doesn’t turn out that way we land up feeling like failures, or that life has done us wrong.

On New Year’s Day I had this overwhelming feeling like I was starting all over again. Over the last few months my life took on a whole new dimension, and I would say I almost found a "New Talya'', but I am now feeling like what If I can’t live up to this. I am wondering if I can still be proud of myself if I am not always happy, and if I can still be loveable and be someone that people look up to even when I am not doing as well as I would like to. But more importantly, if I can be kind to myself when I feel I least deserve it.

A part of me feels like I need to be that inspiring, happy and fulfilled person all the time. I love that feeling but most of all I love myself more when I am happy because I feel like I am achieving something great. But when it comes to feeling sad or down is where the self- judgement comes in. I know when I put too much pressure on myself to stay in a good space, the opposite happens.  

Since the clock struck twelve on New Year’s Eve I suddenly felt as if I was looking up at a massively high mountain that I now have to climb. And like clockwork, as January hit I started my negative self- talk and my self- confidence took a dive. And the ever so pointless question of ‘’what if’’ came back with a vengeance. What if things don’t change the way I want them to this year, what if I fail, what if, what if….

So my only New Year’s resolution is to be kinder to myself in the times where I am finding life difficult and challenging and remind myself that I am worthy even when I am struggling. I don’t know how I am going to achieve this, but from experience, the universe always has a way of making sure we get the experiences we need in order to make whatever changes we need to, or want to.

I think we could all afford to be kinder to ourselves when times get tough because we have no control over what happens to us but we do have control over how we treat ourselves.

So I am starting the year with much doubt and fear but I am also starting the year out acknowledging that that’s actually ok.