We believe the lies we were told

I began writing when I was in a really dark space in my life. But then again can I really call it that because the darkest spaces actually bring on the brightest light.

So here, now, today I am not the same person that wrote any of my last entries. Then, I was stuck in this identity of someone I wasn’t. Someone who felt that because I wasn’t living up to the expectations of society, I wasn’t good enough.

But I can only talk about how I experience the world and if it resonates with you, awesome but if it doesn’t then that’s cool too. The truth is, that what I write about is my experience and some of it comes from me, but some of it is channelled from somewhere or something else and I will often find myself writing things even I didn't know I knew.

So have you noticed how everyone has so many opinions about fucking everything? What we should do in our lives what we shouldn’t do. There are sayings and quotes and writings to help us to move into a place of happiness and joy. You see the problem is that if we are constantly seeking happiness and joy we don’t find it because anything we search for stays in the future. ''The search'' is an action of waiting for something to happen in the future, something that we are lacking, and so "lacking" becomes a constant feeling. And lacking creates feeling less-than and this negative cycle grows.

The now, is this moment right here, this moment that you are reading this and this moment that you are not searching for anything so you can just relax and chill and read what I am writing and of course take out of it whatever feels right and leave behind whatever doesn’t. But you see in this moment that you are reading this you are free from your past, free from what you think your future is and free from all the negative thoughts about yourself that encompasses your life.

In this moment you are reading an article by me about how important this moment here and now is. So in this moment you are truly you because you are free from thought and self- judgement because you are focused on what I am saying.

So if I would tell you that you are perfect in this moment would you believe me? Maybe at first, because you would not be thinking because you are focused on reading but in a matter of seconds you would be back to the same old thinking that you aren’t good enough, or that you maybe cannot understand what I am saying or you don’t know these things that I do for example? But none of this is true.

You see, you are so attached to negative thoughts about yourself that you cannot even begin to fathom that every negative thing that was ever told to you was a lie. Now although you may not even remember anything negative that was ever said to you, you need to know that even a lack of positive affirmation creates a negative thought pattern.  Lies told to us by our parents, friends, whoever, is just that, lies. So we take those lies and we begin to identify with them. We become them. And we do whatever it takes to numb ourselves from these lies because they make us feel so shit. But did it ever occur to you that these ARE actually lies? These things are not true.

If a thought is true it uplifts you and automatically increases your vibration. If a thought is untrue, it lowers your vibration and makes you feel shit about yourself. But why can’t you start telling yourself the truth? Because no matter how much you have been lied to, it doesn’t mean you cannot change that around by finally beginning to tell yourself the truth about yourself. But again how do you know what’s truth and lies? And again I will tell you that truth makes us feel good and lies make us feel shit. You do the math.

So in this moment you are perfect and you are the truth and that is all that matters, that is enough. Gone are the days of having to hold onto anything negative about yourself or anyone else for that matter.

We are taught about positive thinking and self- love and so we try to do this. We tell ourselves that we are thinking positively and loving ourselves when we don’t even have the first clue as to how to do this.

And we watch people on TV like the Oprah’s of the world, or the Deepak Chopra's and whoever else that comes up with these amazing insights into life and we begin to immediately feel inferior. And we believe that it’s these kinds of people that can help us. But we can watch these programs all day and still nothing changes in us because we cannot leave the responsibility to anyone else to make us feel good about ourselves. Everything we need comes from within us, not without. Without is “with-out”.

Just a few months ago I was stuck in this conundrum of what I should be doing with my life because that’s what society believes I should do.

So ask yourself, is what I want what other people tell me I should want or is it truly what I want?

 

I took a break from writing because I wanted to figure out as a woman, what is right for me and my life not what have other people said is right for me. The unhappiest time in my life was when my life was led by what I thought others expected of me. And in this place I began to fall victim to others because I was different and never fitted into the mould then I must be bad or wrong?

We are so asleep in our lives that we have never asked the question what is right for me. What do I want?

Only you know the truth about yourself, only you remember those moments where you felt so good about yourself and those are the “truest” most real moments that have existed in your life. That is the true you. Hold onto that every second of every day.